Last week, I was coming back home from school. I was about to open the door when my dad suddenly opened it for me. A smile automatically came to my face and we said hello.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“Um, to the hospital” His voice sounded normal as he replied, but I knew he was hiding his preoccupation, as he usually does.
“Why? What happened?” I asked again, curious.
“David got shot”
My mind went blank and my brain needed a few extra seconds to process my dad’s words, to actually get what he was saying. When I finally got it back together and realized what had happened, confusion entered my mind as the shock started to leave.
“What? What do you mean? Where?” I had so many questions I didn’t even know where to start.
David is my godfather. He has been one of my parent’s best friends since they entered college and he has been basically a part of my family since I can remember.
He is one of the funniest guys I’ve ever met and he absolutely loves to eat. He has a heart that I think it’s maybe too big for his own body. And let me tell you, he is not a small person.
After hearing how desperate I was, my dad started to tell me how it all happened.
“Some guys broke into his house in the morning and when David saw them, one of the guys shot him on the right side of his stomach”.
“Oh my God! Is he okay?”
“Well, before they left, the same guy shot him again, only, this time, in the head. Fortunately, the bullet went towards his ear. He’s alright, but he is going to have to stay in the hospital for quite a long time, plus, he almost dies. So mentally, he’s not okay”.
I couldn’t believe what had just happened. One minute you’re alive and happy and the next, who knows.
On Saturday, I finally got the chance to go see him. I entered the room he was in and saw his mother. I said hi as usual but this time it felt a little awkward. This time, the air in the room was not normal. It felt kind of heavy, as if all the stress that had come along with the incident had mixed with it and made it that much more heavy. I continued my way towards David to say hello. But his face was different; the smile I usually saw in it was not there this time. He had bruises and those tubes they put into your nose with oxygen so you can breathe better. Not just that, but everything else surrounding him made him look so… bad. It made my heart ache a little.
He and my dad started talking, but he didn’t say much. He didn’t feel like talking. He looked tired and depressed.
“You know…” His eyes started to fill with tears and his voice was trembling. It scared me a little, I guess. I had never seen him cry before. “It’s funny, but when people say that you don’t know what you have until you lose it, they are so right. Things as little as going to the bathroom by yourself are so important. Just the pleasure of eating every day, in peace, or being able to work and leave a normal life is so basic but yet so important. And we don’t realize it. We don’t realize how wrong we are by giving material things the importance we should be giving to other things, like family and friends and love. Everything else is just extra”.
I felt like crying too because I knew how right he was. And we hear people say that over and over again but we never listen anymore. We get used to having everything and, still, we are always asking for more. We should be grateful every day, just because we are given one more chance to a new take a step towards our dreams, or one more chance to watch the sun set, or one more chance to tell people how much we love them.
When I realized how much it would mean for me to lose David, I realized that things can change when we least expect it. We can lose people in a blink of an eye and then regret things we didn’t say or didn’t do. So live every day as if it was your last and love the people around you as strongly and truthful as you can. Even though is hard now and then, trust me, at the end, it’s always worth it.
lunes, 1 de agosto de 2011
Fading
When I turned twelve, my life suffered a drastic change. I moved to a new city, mostly looking for a new lifestyle, a better education and more opportunities. I entered a new school and met new people, and I think at first I was very open to new friendships. But as time passed and I really started to see how different my life was, I suddenly found myself crying every night, wishing I could go back, wishing that something would come up so that I wouldn’t have to go to school the next morning. I felt alone, with a lurid feeling inside me, and I missed my friends more than anything. Although I still talked to them and whenever we went back to visit, we would hang out, our relationship was never the same. It just got worse with time. Each day, we would talk less than the day before. It was like that with all of them, but the one that for sure ripped my heart apart was my best friend Gabriel. He started acting really weir and different, as if I had done something wrong. Whenever I asked him if there was something going on, he would tell me everything was fine.
One time, I went to my old home for the weekend. Mike and I went to the lake, as usual and we were sitting next to each other, appreciating the amazing sunset for what might have been the millionth time. As I sat there, I started to wonder how, even though our life, out habits, our friends and even we can change, some things never will. Watching the sun fall behind those two mountains, I realized how beautiful this scene was. Flashbacks started to flow through my mind, sort of like the way the waves in front of me did. I had spent my whole life watching that same scene and I had never realized how much it meant to me. I didn’t want to leave, ever. I just wanted to leave my sadness and every little thing that was affecting me there. Leave it there and let it sink under that big pool of water. I didn’t want to hear people telling me the same “Everything will get better” I had been hearing the past month, I just wanted to hear the waves crashing against the shore. I didn’t want to breathe the city buses’ gray, dirty smoke, I wanted to breathe fresh air. I didn’t want to see traffic and buildings, I wanted see the same sun set I had been watching since I was a little kid. I didn’t want to feel anything but water running through my feet. This felt like home. That was the feeling I had been missing all this time.
Gabriel’s voice broke my concentration all of a sudden. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I felt so close to him, so safe. I felt like he understood, and I hadn’t even said anything yet. “It is” I replied, honestly.
We talked for hours, until it was dark. I cried practically the whole time. I could see how hard he was trying to hold his tears back, but after a while, he just gave in.
Little rain drops started to fall, melting with my tears, the same way it did with Gabriel’s. I still remember what he told me that night. “You know how great we are, Des, you know I love you and that you are my best friend. I’ve missed you like you can’t imagine, but you also know things are different now, people move on and change.” He stopped talking for just a second, and then continued. “I’m not saying we have to stop being friends, but the truth is we won’t be able to be that close. I want you to know, still, that no matter what, I’ll be here for you whenever you need me and that I will always love you.”
My heart ached and I felt horrible because, deep inside, I knew he was right. Things change and its part of life. We can’t do anything about the fact that change and movement constitutes the reality of our being and that we are constantly in process of becoming something else, of growing. At the end, it’s part of what makes us who we are.
Our relationship did change after that, but I still remember that cold night of February, where I laid in his arms, knowing that no matter what, we would always be there for each other, forever.
One time, I went to my old home for the weekend. Mike and I went to the lake, as usual and we were sitting next to each other, appreciating the amazing sunset for what might have been the millionth time. As I sat there, I started to wonder how, even though our life, out habits, our friends and even we can change, some things never will. Watching the sun fall behind those two mountains, I realized how beautiful this scene was. Flashbacks started to flow through my mind, sort of like the way the waves in front of me did. I had spent my whole life watching that same scene and I had never realized how much it meant to me. I didn’t want to leave, ever. I just wanted to leave my sadness and every little thing that was affecting me there. Leave it there and let it sink under that big pool of water. I didn’t want to hear people telling me the same “Everything will get better” I had been hearing the past month, I just wanted to hear the waves crashing against the shore. I didn’t want to breathe the city buses’ gray, dirty smoke, I wanted to breathe fresh air. I didn’t want to see traffic and buildings, I wanted see the same sun set I had been watching since I was a little kid. I didn’t want to feel anything but water running through my feet. This felt like home. That was the feeling I had been missing all this time.
Gabriel’s voice broke my concentration all of a sudden. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I felt so close to him, so safe. I felt like he understood, and I hadn’t even said anything yet. “It is” I replied, honestly.
We talked for hours, until it was dark. I cried practically the whole time. I could see how hard he was trying to hold his tears back, but after a while, he just gave in.
Little rain drops started to fall, melting with my tears, the same way it did with Gabriel’s. I still remember what he told me that night. “You know how great we are, Des, you know I love you and that you are my best friend. I’ve missed you like you can’t imagine, but you also know things are different now, people move on and change.” He stopped talking for just a second, and then continued. “I’m not saying we have to stop being friends, but the truth is we won’t be able to be that close. I want you to know, still, that no matter what, I’ll be here for you whenever you need me and that I will always love you.”
My heart ached and I felt horrible because, deep inside, I knew he was right. Things change and its part of life. We can’t do anything about the fact that change and movement constitutes the reality of our being and that we are constantly in process of becoming something else, of growing. At the end, it’s part of what makes us who we are.
Our relationship did change after that, but I still remember that cold night of February, where I laid in his arms, knowing that no matter what, we would always be there for each other, forever.
lunes, 18 de julio de 2011
"I don't like that man. I must get to know him better" -Abraham Lincoln
A lot of the times in my life I’ve been told “Don’t judge a book by its cover” and as I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that whoever said that, was a very wise person. First impressions are, most of the time, completely wrong. When you meet someone for the first time, it’s very hard not to judge them. It’s very hard not to make up an idea about them in your head based just in the first signs you get from them. And I’ve recently experienced this.
My whole life, I’ve loved cheerleading. I started when I was eight and cheered a couple of years after that, but had to quit as soon as I moved to the city. I was getting used to this whole new environment and didn’t want to get involved in any activities outside of school yet. But a couple of months ago, I entered a team called Wizards. As soon as I started, I realized how much I missed cheering. I missed being part of something that felt right, finding a place where I belong.
The day of my fist practice I met Laura. She’s a flyer. One of the best, I should say. I saw her tiny little body walking towards me. Her dark hair matched with her eyes and it was held up in a messy ponytail. She was also wearing a purple headband, I remember. If she had it on to keep her hair from going into her face, it definitely wasn’t working. Her face was a little flat, her eyes were round and they sort of gave the feeling that they were going to pop out.
“What’s your name?” She asked. She wasn’t smiling and had an indifferent expression on her face, which made me wonder if she was really interested in her own question. But I answered anyway, “Desiree, but you can call me Desi” I smiled a little, trying to make myself more comfortable, but it didn’t work. “What’s your name?”
“Laura” She replied, her expression still neutral. “Why did you come here, who told you about us?”
“I take dance lessons here and my dad told me that you guys train here, so I decided to come.”
“Oh… Cool” Her voice came out a little more friendly this time, and I started to relax. We continued to talk for a while, until it was time for me to go. I said goodbye and went off my way.
That night, as I lay in my bed, waiting to fall asleep, I remembered the conversation I had had with Laura a couple of hours before. I realized I hadn’t really like her. She seemed like a snob and the type of person that feels superior to the rest. I was tired of meeting people like that and felt angry at the fact that I was going to have to share a lot of time with her for a long time.
The next day I had practice, I still got that feeling from her. I guess I had unconsciously decided that my first impression about her was right. I didn’t even think that she could turn out to be different from what I had assumed. I sometimes tend to build this big, fat wall as a sign of protection, I guess, to keep people I “don’t like” away from me, not even giving them a chance to show their true self and this was not the exception.
After a few weeks from my first conversation with Laura, I was at cheerleading practice, trying out a new stunt. I was having a hard time trying to get it right and she noticed it. I was surprised when I saw her walking towards me, with a smile across her face, willing to help me. “When you are doing it, do not look down and just keep your leg straight… that should help you.” I nodded and got back up again.
“Don’t worry; we are all here to catch you if something goes wrong.”
I stopped a minute to think about what had just happened. She actually tried to help me. She was not acting the way I always expected her to act. I thanked her for the tip and when I finally got it right, she smiled and said “That was great!”
“Thank you” I replied, smiling back.
From that day we got along better. I no longer think of her the way I used to. The more I get to know her and discover things about her, the more I admire her. I sometimes even think of her as a role model. She has been through a lot and has still accomplished various things that many of us expect to accomplish in the future. Maybe every scar that’s left in her body and in her heart is what makes her seem tough and cocky at first, but underneath all that, it’s still the same innocent, kind girl that once decided to fight for what she wanted, no matter what. Besides inspiring me to become a better cheerleader each day, she inspires me to become a better person. And she has taught me that we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, we should read it first. I am still reading hers. And let me tell you, the pages in between are way more interesting than the cover.
My whole life, I’ve loved cheerleading. I started when I was eight and cheered a couple of years after that, but had to quit as soon as I moved to the city. I was getting used to this whole new environment and didn’t want to get involved in any activities outside of school yet. But a couple of months ago, I entered a team called Wizards. As soon as I started, I realized how much I missed cheering. I missed being part of something that felt right, finding a place where I belong.
The day of my fist practice I met Laura. She’s a flyer. One of the best, I should say. I saw her tiny little body walking towards me. Her dark hair matched with her eyes and it was held up in a messy ponytail. She was also wearing a purple headband, I remember. If she had it on to keep her hair from going into her face, it definitely wasn’t working. Her face was a little flat, her eyes were round and they sort of gave the feeling that they were going to pop out.
“What’s your name?” She asked. She wasn’t smiling and had an indifferent expression on her face, which made me wonder if she was really interested in her own question. But I answered anyway, “Desiree, but you can call me Desi” I smiled a little, trying to make myself more comfortable, but it didn’t work. “What’s your name?”
“Laura” She replied, her expression still neutral. “Why did you come here, who told you about us?”
“I take dance lessons here and my dad told me that you guys train here, so I decided to come.”
“Oh… Cool” Her voice came out a little more friendly this time, and I started to relax. We continued to talk for a while, until it was time for me to go. I said goodbye and went off my way.
That night, as I lay in my bed, waiting to fall asleep, I remembered the conversation I had had with Laura a couple of hours before. I realized I hadn’t really like her. She seemed like a snob and the type of person that feels superior to the rest. I was tired of meeting people like that and felt angry at the fact that I was going to have to share a lot of time with her for a long time.
The next day I had practice, I still got that feeling from her. I guess I had unconsciously decided that my first impression about her was right. I didn’t even think that she could turn out to be different from what I had assumed. I sometimes tend to build this big, fat wall as a sign of protection, I guess, to keep people I “don’t like” away from me, not even giving them a chance to show their true self and this was not the exception.
After a few weeks from my first conversation with Laura, I was at cheerleading practice, trying out a new stunt. I was having a hard time trying to get it right and she noticed it. I was surprised when I saw her walking towards me, with a smile across her face, willing to help me. “When you are doing it, do not look down and just keep your leg straight… that should help you.” I nodded and got back up again.
“Don’t worry; we are all here to catch you if something goes wrong.”
I stopped a minute to think about what had just happened. She actually tried to help me. She was not acting the way I always expected her to act. I thanked her for the tip and when I finally got it right, she smiled and said “That was great!”
“Thank you” I replied, smiling back.
From that day we got along better. I no longer think of her the way I used to. The more I get to know her and discover things about her, the more I admire her. I sometimes even think of her as a role model. She has been through a lot and has still accomplished various things that many of us expect to accomplish in the future. Maybe every scar that’s left in her body and in her heart is what makes her seem tough and cocky at first, but underneath all that, it’s still the same innocent, kind girl that once decided to fight for what she wanted, no matter what. Besides inspiring me to become a better cheerleader each day, she inspires me to become a better person. And she has taught me that we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, we should read it first. I am still reading hers. And let me tell you, the pages in between are way more interesting than the cover.
lunes, 11 de julio de 2011
You Never Know What You Have Until You Lose It
Last year was a very special year for me. I learned new things, made a lot of good memories and met a lot of new people. Some of which I will never be able to forget. Nicholas was one of them. We met at a friend’s house; I remember it was a Saturday. When I first saw him, I never imagined meeting him would end up meaning so much to me.
He was tall and seemed older than me. His hair was dark, just like his eyes and his presence made me a little bit uncomfortable to tell the truth. We were at the living room and he was sitting in the couch next to me. I started playing an Eminem song on my phone and as I started to sing he turned to me and said “Omg, you like Eminem?” He sounded surprised and shocked. I laughed a little and replied “Yeah, I actually kind of love him”. I noticed how his lips slowly turned into a smile. “That’s pretty awesome… I’ve never met a girl who knows Eminem’s lyrics that well” He said. I smiled back and replied “Do you like him?”
“I do. What songs do you have?” I showed him the ones I had on my phone and he showed me the ones he had on his. We hanged out the rest of the night together and I started to discover he was a pretty nice guy.
After that day, we became great friends. We talked every single day, all day long. He told me about his life, his family and friends. He expressed his feelings with me and I knew he didn’t do that with a lot of people, so it made me feel confident to tell him my own problems or anything that was bothering me. He one time told me some issues he had with his dad and opened up his heart to me in a way that not only made me feel special, but so much closer to him.
I sometimes admired him. He was so secure about himself. He saw himself as someone who deserved the best and was above everyone else. I hated it now and then, but at the same time I kind of liked it. He was also proud and not the type of person who apologizes. We sometimes fought and not one time did he say sorry. But what was special about him was that, even though he was stubborn and obstinate, it somehow worked. We got along great and his personality seemed to fit mine. He was fun to be with and we never ran out of things to talk about. He told me about his ex’s and their stories. He was definitely not the type of guy that’s faithful; he was more the type that parties all night and doesn't care about anything.
At that time I didn’t look at him like more than just a friend, but on a Friday night, while we were at the movies, he grabbed my hand. I could feel his fingers trembling as they touched mine and I felt a wave of heat flowing through my body, starting at my feet and ending at my head, making my cheeks go red. I still remember his sweet smell. It reminded me of my father’s cologne filling my lungs every Monday morning when he said goodbye and went off to work for another week. Suddenly he let the words out, “I need to tell you truth about how I feel.” This time, my hands were the ones trembling. “What do you mean?” I whispered.
He took a deep breath. “I think I’m starting to have feelings for you. I was going to tell you sooner but I felt it wasn’t the right time. I want you to give me a shot. Please.”
“I don’t know what to say Nicholas, I’ve just never thought of you that way. I don’t know.”
None of us said anything after that and when the movie ended, we just said goodbye and went our own ways. We continued to talk the next couple of weeks, until I decided I couldn’t be with him because I was holding on to the idea of him being just my friend so strongly that I didn’t even pay attention to what I was truly feeling. As the months passed I found myself missing him and I knew hadn’t make the right choice. I tried to talk to him again, but he had already moved on. I still love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone else and I like to think that when we are more mature, we will find ourselves throughout the way; everything will go back to what it used to be, and we will learn to love each other more and more each day.
He was tall and seemed older than me. His hair was dark, just like his eyes and his presence made me a little bit uncomfortable to tell the truth. We were at the living room and he was sitting in the couch next to me. I started playing an Eminem song on my phone and as I started to sing he turned to me and said “Omg, you like Eminem?” He sounded surprised and shocked. I laughed a little and replied “Yeah, I actually kind of love him”. I noticed how his lips slowly turned into a smile. “That’s pretty awesome… I’ve never met a girl who knows Eminem’s lyrics that well” He said. I smiled back and replied “Do you like him?”
“I do. What songs do you have?” I showed him the ones I had on my phone and he showed me the ones he had on his. We hanged out the rest of the night together and I started to discover he was a pretty nice guy.
After that day, we became great friends. We talked every single day, all day long. He told me about his life, his family and friends. He expressed his feelings with me and I knew he didn’t do that with a lot of people, so it made me feel confident to tell him my own problems or anything that was bothering me. He one time told me some issues he had with his dad and opened up his heart to me in a way that not only made me feel special, but so much closer to him.
I sometimes admired him. He was so secure about himself. He saw himself as someone who deserved the best and was above everyone else. I hated it now and then, but at the same time I kind of liked it. He was also proud and not the type of person who apologizes. We sometimes fought and not one time did he say sorry. But what was special about him was that, even though he was stubborn and obstinate, it somehow worked. We got along great and his personality seemed to fit mine. He was fun to be with and we never ran out of things to talk about. He told me about his ex’s and their stories. He was definitely not the type of guy that’s faithful; he was more the type that parties all night and doesn't care about anything.
At that time I didn’t look at him like more than just a friend, but on a Friday night, while we were at the movies, he grabbed my hand. I could feel his fingers trembling as they touched mine and I felt a wave of heat flowing through my body, starting at my feet and ending at my head, making my cheeks go red. I still remember his sweet smell. It reminded me of my father’s cologne filling my lungs every Monday morning when he said goodbye and went off to work for another week. Suddenly he let the words out, “I need to tell you truth about how I feel.” This time, my hands were the ones trembling. “What do you mean?” I whispered.
He took a deep breath. “I think I’m starting to have feelings for you. I was going to tell you sooner but I felt it wasn’t the right time. I want you to give me a shot. Please.”
“I don’t know what to say Nicholas, I’ve just never thought of you that way. I don’t know.”
None of us said anything after that and when the movie ended, we just said goodbye and went our own ways. We continued to talk the next couple of weeks, until I decided I couldn’t be with him because I was holding on to the idea of him being just my friend so strongly that I didn’t even pay attention to what I was truly feeling. As the months passed I found myself missing him and I knew hadn’t make the right choice. I tried to talk to him again, but he had already moved on. I still love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone else and I like to think that when we are more mature, we will find ourselves throughout the way; everything will go back to what it used to be, and we will learn to love each other more and more each day.
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